RSO Involvement

Clubs and Sports are really awesome programs to be apart of at CMU. If you got nothing else better to do then try going to one of the RSO’s that are found on campus. They have a wide variety of programs that are offered to the public. For myself, I found a couple that I got invested in for a little bit at CMU. When it came to picking an RSO I had to work with my school time and my study time. I couldn’t go back to back to back like I used to or else I would be bogged down. I have been discovering portions of my life that I have not reflected upon due to the complexity of figuring out self awareness. It sort of became this elaborate design that manifested because I never could figure out this puzzling puzzle of who I was. I decided though after the summer of 2018 that I would take a rest for self caring and self help. Why this is important to know is because the RSO that I chose to help me get myself feeling self motivated was CMU TWLOHA chapter. TWLOHA which stands for “To Write Love On Her Arms” is a club about self care and health. It was a group of people that cared to pick themselves up and spread that around the campus. I was the only guy that was in the club and I was still accepted. I was deeply involved only for myself because I needed a place for an hour to just reflect and not worry about anything. I didn’t give myself daunting tasks so I gave myself the position with unison census of being the rep to go to the Monday night meetings campus council to bring back information to our group. My involvement was close with the group for the first semester than the 2nd semester because I had to balance more time to my classes. I did a lot for the group and it went recognized.

Residential Experience

You know what is scary? Being alone. Being unable to be with familiar faces everyday. Having to reestablish who you are to your surrounding environment. It really does suck. It makes you feel closed off and having the fears you’re missing out with old friends. This year was a huge 180 degree turn of what I was expecting. My friends I knew from Freshman year were now in a different hall, they moved out and got an apartment, they just got busy and less likely to hangout. It was frightening to me. I had a lot of weight on my shoulders that finally made me succumb to some unexplainable feelings. Under these terms they are social anxiety, depression, anxious feelings, and confusion. I never felt these before until this year at full impact. I was now in between a rock and a hard place. There was though hope and a lot of untapped potential. It started off with being contacted by CMU cheerleader L.J Holmes. L.J was my roommate for my sophomore year in Emmons Hall and he said that he couldn’t wait to meet me. You see, I was surrounded by unfamiliar faces waiting to meet me and I was very skeptical because I wasn’t ready for people to enter into my life and meet me. LJ introduced me on my first day to Luke Hartsuff a big fan of CMU football team and Riley Halligan an equipment manager to CMU football team. I was surrounded by people that really gave me hope and a lot of it. Not only that but I met Ben Rutleg who is extremely reliable at being friendly and open to conversations. I had met my neighbors which were Mylia, Rachael, Sam, and Jordan.  I had opportunity to meet new people. Now you expect it was easy but I still suffered from all these conflicting interests that made me on my days terrible. I branched out though and got supportive help. I tried my best to see old friends and tried my best to not feel these feelings of wishing I could spend more time with them. It was really difficult and it was not at all fun. Yet, there was still reasons to keep a smile and try getting better because I love my friends and family. To see them hurt more than me would be devastating. Peeling back layers of me was a huge new experience. I wasn’t doing okay and I had to really tackle the situation. It got better though because of a lot of internal thinking and supportive friends I have made. My supportive friends included old high school friends, college friends, family, and myself. They gave me more of a trusting feeling that i never felt. I always felt afraid to make mistakes with them or feel like I was below. They made me feel better about myself. In all, I am still learning on how to tackle this, but got better.

The take away from this was that my residential experience was not all what I expected. Yet, it opened me up to relieving the pressures I had on myself. Residential experience isn’t always about the fun and enjoyment I had but also the things I learn. Of course I had fun with my new friends. Of course I won’t see them as much, but it gave me hope that being the travelling roommate that I am is really not that bad. I develop more friends, I hear more stories, and I really get a chance to network. I am not at all feeling bad for blogging this as a residential experience because it’s the truth and genuine. I feel so alive now I feel okay being who I am for the better. I got this and I am looking forward to next year.